Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I Can't Wait Til...

You know what sucks?

Thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.

When I was younger and I couldn't do something I wanted to do, or go somewhere I reeeeally wanted to go, I'd say "Ugh! I can't wait til I get older." 

Age 11: "Man! When I turn 13, I'll officially stop being a little kid!"

Age 14 (Still a little kid): "I can't wait til I'm 16, that's when I'll be able to drive, get a car and go wherever I want!"

Age 17 (Still no car, still not able to go wherever, found out I hate driving): "When I turn 18, I'll be legal and out of the house, and I can be free!"

Age 18 (Back from college, still in the house, still not free): "Ugh! Why do I have to be in by 12am? I can't wait til I'm 21! That's when I'll really be legal to the world and free to do whatever I want!

Age 21 (Still not able to do whatever I want): "I AM SOO POOR! I can't wait til I graduate, get married, get a job, and make some money so I can travel, and finally be FREE!!"  

Now I'm 24, married, with a job, perfect position, right? I can travel with my husband and friends, and see the world, right? RIGHT?!


Now there are bills to pay, so I can't just travel when I want. There needs to be a savings plan involved, I need to make sure I can take days off of work, and I have to make sure my husband's schedule fits as well. Oh, and don't even think about inviting some friends! Either they won't be able to take off work til April 2016, they can't find a babysitter for their 1 and 2 year olds, or they live across the country, and their work and commuting schedule won't allow for you to even talk, let alone plan a trip. 

I constantly find myself, even today, saying, "I can't wait til....we get a house, we get a second car, we can travel, til my book comes in the mail, til I get a new phone, etc." However, when I look back and ponder upon the best days of my life, I don't see a cool gadget, or a new appliance. I see Me, Dominique, Damon, Bianca, Brandon, and Jessica having an impromptu photoshoot at the Bryant's house;
I see, me, Brandon, and Jessica trying to make a commercial; I see me and Karyn walking the streets of ATL and bumping into a man with a hula skirt and a cape; I see me and Essie trying to learn a dance routine from Youtube; I see me, Cortney, Tiffeny, April, and Kitty playing "American Idol" in April's living room;
I see Koren pretending to be a pregnant woman at Buffalo Wild Wings; I see me listening to Kie's outrageous stories for hours on a Sabbath afternoon; I see me and Erica walking down a dark street making up a song about "Love";

I see me dying with laughter while watching Rachel impersonate someone on the way back from Panda Express; I see me, Donnesha and Kam laughing non-stop at our girl's night; I see me and Brittany Burden cracking up at VVP practice while Comalita and Brittani teach us a dance routine; I see Danel and Kitty delivering April's baby while Jessica, Tiffeny and I narrate;

I see me and Kara getting reprimanded for not breaking up a toddler brawl on Christmas; I see me Jasmine, and Quan jumping on a trampoline in Monica's back yard; I see me, Michelle, Tom, Chuck, Shavar, Jalen, Jasmine, and Quan watching "Save the Last Dance" and "Double Take" 3 times a day in Peoria; I see Jaya doing her "Girls lets go!" handshake in Jackson; I see Trinity and Lillian pretending to talk to a movie star in Ypsi; I see me and my grandma Sannyu adding honey to our flower and mint tea;
I see Ki'Yana sitting in a box pretending to be a news anchor; I see TJ dancing to High School Musical; I see me and Chanelle laughing at Tyra Banks singing "Be a Star!" I see me and Ashley (both introverts) walking from the White House with thousands of people around us with frost bitten fingers and toes;
I see me and Khadijia passing notes and laughing at Mr.Sharp's facial expressions; I see Marion freaking out about someone trying to take her cookie; I see me and the girls at Doris' birthday/Christmas party dancing to funky music; I see me, Dominique, Jessica, and Justin having a 5 hour talk about random thoughts while playing Dominion; I see me and Maya playing Just Dance; I see Dr. Nelson and Maya laughing at my "Flint" accent; I see my church family at Faith's house for the Corn Roast; I see my Mom irrationally and hilariously getting upset that I didn't use milk by the expiration date; I see my Auntie and Linda arguing about how strict my grandma was back-in-the-day; I see me and Dominique having a random movie night, or debating about whether "I don't know" is an answer. (It's not!)

Most of all, I see Dominique accepting Jesus; I see my wedding day with my beautiful friends and family; I see Damon getting baptized; I see those late night conversations with Danielle and Sara after Bible Study; I see Facebook posts with people declaring that from then on they're giving their lives to Jesus; I see people praying for someone else's health and salvation; I see LOVE. I see Jesus. 

We were created to love and be loved. No cool computer, high-paying job, sweet ride, or exciting adventure can fill the need for community and friendship. For too long, I've believed otherwise. I believed the lies of this culture, that all I need is me, myself and I, and I can't rely on anyone but myself, oh! and my most used phrase "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." People may not agree with me, but I believe that mindset is a defense mechanism, and one of the devil's tactics to divide, isolate and conquer. We're happier with our loved ones, we live longer around our loved ones, and we grow in compassion and love when we are surrounded around those who we love and who love us back. The next time you say "I can't wait til..." let whatever follows include the people you love, and things you love to do together.

I can't wait til we get to heaven, when Jesus, my friends and family can enjoy eternity together without having to worry about gas money, or whether they can take time off of work. I can't wait til we won't have to be hurt that we haven't seen or talked to our friend in months or years. I can't wait til we can reunite with ALL of our friends without having to worry if my friends from high school will get along with my friends from college. I can't wait til we sit at Jesus' feet together learning the complexities of our lives that we don't understand today. 

Until then, I resolve to live in the present, and build friendships for eternity. Everyday, I want Jesus to live in me. I want His character to shine through so that life in the present for myself and others can be filled with joy and contentment, and the only thing making us eager for the future is the promise of eternity with Him. 

Until later,

Marquitta J <3

P.S. The pink links throughout the post are videos ;)